I could start fires with what I feel for you

I think they call that emotional relapse.

(when the irrational dominates the rational)

What happened last night was a pure manifestation of a pre-suicide Virginia Woolf emerging from my withins. Only difference is that I revived, Virginia did not and never will. I seek comfort in words and am also easily destroyed by them; I humiliate myself through my actions and yet it's only through my actions that I portray my real self. What is it really that I really want?

I found escapism in the last 24 hours through writing in my diary and putting up a fake smile but escapism is not the best way out. Funny how things fluctuate within a short span of 48 hours - how I can go from "I hate you" to "I love you", from "I'm breaking up with you" to "I want you back" and yet you remain constant throughout knowing that it was all a mistake on my part but you still loved me nonetheless.

I'm a mess.

(You keep me grounded.)

I'm torn between killing myself and everyone around me.

(You take the knife away from me and hug me.)

I'm not deserving of any goodness and happiness which comes along.

(You tell me that's not for me to decide and you will take care of me.) 

What in the world was I thinking? How could I have thought of letting you go? 

All I needed was another 24 hours,

24 hours.